Angels

My dear sweet Adi.  I don't know if I was just too preoccupied with my other babies or have been more observant since Ben's dad passed away so soon after Adi was born, but I've noticed things with Adi that I never did with my others.  While we were at the funeral, I knew that Adi was seeing Paul and other angels.  She would be very still and then she would be start smiling, laughing and pumping her legs like she was responding to someone interacting with her, but there was no one there that you could see.  

Several times since the funeral, she has done it.  Just this morning she was doing it.  I was changing her and she started looking above me, then she started smiling and moving her legs.  Then she stopped, looked in the other direction and started doing it again, then looked in another direction and did it again.  Then she started tracking something from one side of the room to the other, and then again, started smiling and laughing.

I think for my other children I would have just thought they were just being happy, but Adi is such a reserved baby.  She really only does that for Ben and I.  She just barely has started to interact with the other children and she doesn't really like anybody that's not in our immediate family.  I think she is such a special child (of course, I think ALL of my children are special).

Backyard Visitor

This morning Stina and I saw a bunny hopping through our backyard.  I tried to get a picture of it, but it didn't feel like sitting still for Stina's enthusiasm.

Cold Weather

I must be getting acclimated to the climate.  This morning I took the kids to school and it was a balmy 23 degrees outside.  It did help that there wasn't any wind, but it's amazing that I wasn't dying outside.  The kids told me today that they don't need me to pick them up from school, but they want me to take them to school.  Too bad it's colder in the morning!

I can't juggle and Jacob 5

This morning Dayne is sick so I've stayed home with him and Adi.  I was reading my scriptures this morning and it was actually pretty quiet.  I was reading in Jacob 5 about the allegory of the olive tree.  I've read this several times and because of the length of this chapter, it's easy for my mind to wander.  I noticed this morning that I was having that same trouble.

Usually when I read this I begin to think of the lost tribes of Israel or the pattern of the church on a large and small scale.  Because I was thinking of what I usually think of, my mind was beginning to wander (ie: drift to sleep).  As this started to happened, I woke myself up a bit and tried to think of this on a more personal level.

Something that I've been struggling with most of my life as a mom - and especially since I had Adi - is balance.  I really want to develop my talents, but I just don't have the time.  Most of my time is spent doing mundane things; dishes, cleaning up, making meals - things that I do everyday and are never done, but don't really amount to anything or any real accomplishment.  I get so frustrated and overwhelmed when my days are made up of these elements that can take so much away from what really matters.  I would love to be able to be involved at the kids' school, get involved in the community, help my children develop their talents, become fluent in Spanish, play the guitar, play the piano better, become a scripture scholar, and the list goes on and on.  However, I find little time for those things because everyday things get in the way.  I have such tunnel vision once I write down my "to-do" list that I forget the reason I have a "to-do" list.

As I was reading and trying to apply Jacob 5 it occurred to me that this is what I struggle with - keeping my "tree" in balance.  I start to work on the roots:  I make sure that I'm reading my scriptures, getting rest, taking care of my kids.  Then, I notice that I need to work on my branches and bear fruit.  So, I start getting involved so that I can be an example and share the gospel.  I stay up a little late so that I can help the kids with something or to get prepared for the next day.  I try to make sure that I exercise and eat right so that I  have the energy and mental capacity to do the things that need to be done.  Pretty soon, I'm stressing because I've got too much going on outside of my home, I've been staying up too late for too long trying to be "prepared", I'm not doing something essential because I've got to exercise or make bread or something else from scratch and I've completely lost sight of the reason I'm doing those things.  So, then it's back to the beginning and the cycle starts again.

I have a feeling that I'm never going to create the perfect balance, which, is why I need God so much.  Ever since I've had Adi I've just been so overwhelmed.  If I could just remember to ask Heavenly Father what the most important things were for that day, then I wouldn't stress (3 Nephi 13:34).

Two stories that illustrated this to me:

I was listening to a BYU speech (when I find the link, I'll put it in) and the speaker was telling a story about a married couple that had 8 kids.  The wife called the husband during a particularly trying day and said, half jokingly, "Now tell me again - why did we have 8 kids?"  The husband responded, "Because the Lord knew we could only handle 7."

Kind of along the story of the first.  I usually like to dance by myself because I don't like following someone else's lead - I want to be in charge.  Every time a dance partner tries to lead, I always try to anticipate the next move and sometimes (maybe more than sometimes) I'm not right.  So either my dance partner lets me lead or I just end up making all sorts of mistakes because we're both trying to lead.  When I was in college, I was at a dance with some friends.  There was a country song on and one of the guys in my group asked if I wanted to dance.  I told him that I can't dance those types of dances because I never let the guy lead.  He told me not to worry about it because he knew how to lead.  I've heard this line before and really didn't believe him.  He was a pretty tough farm boy from Idaho and I remember that he was a wrestler so he had that body type (which I don't usually associate with grace).  He insisted, so I went out onto the dance floor with him to "prove" him wrong.  Well, it turned out he was right.  He took me out onto the dance floor and I remember it was a really fast song.  He started spinning me through the motions so fast that my mind didn't have time to anticipate what the next move was.  I finally gave up trying and just had to trust he knew what he was doing.  I even remember at one point that I was thrown into the air.

That was an interesting experience for me, especially as I look back on it in context to what's going on in my life right now.  I feel like Heavenly Father is throwing so many things at me and spinning me around so fast that I've just given up and am just trusting that He knows what's coming next.  So, why did God give me 5 kids, my husband a new job, take me out of my comfort zone, not give me enough time for what was expected of me to do, etc?  Because He wants me to trust Him and to stop trying to anticipate every move. Take it one day at a time, pray for guidance and "be still and know that (He is) God." (D&C 101:16)

(I feel like I just wrote a talk, the only difference being is that it only make sense to me - how weird is that?)

Blessing

Last night our family went up to the Wisconsin Dells for a little vacation.  It's about an hour and a half away.  We stayed at a hotel last night and then today we went to an indoor water park with the kids.  It was enjoyable, but that's not what this story's about.

It's been extremely cold lately and we've been noticing that our van's transmission won't go into gear if the car isn't warmed up.  Usually it's not too much of an issue because Ben put an engine block heater on it so we plug it up at night.  Also, we have a garage so it keeps it warm enough during the day when it's not plugged in.

Last night at the hotel we had to park the car outside.  This morning we woke up to a cold 11 degrees.  We got all of the kids into the vehicle, started it up and . . . we couldn't get it to shift into gear . . . any gear.  Now, because this car is already on it's 4th transmission, we've just moved (lots of unexpected expenses), we just bought a car (because our other car's engine went out), just finished college and just had a baby (these aren't all, they're just the most obvious) - this was a bit disconcerting.  We said a little prayer and the van started after a few minutes of warming up.

That afternoon as we went to leave the water park it happened again (even though it was a balmy 32 degrees).  Again, we said a prayer and after a minute it went into gear.

Ben was getting a little concerned at this point and was starting to worry about what we were going to do.  I have to admit, that was running through my mind as well.  As I started to worry, I had an epiphany!  This car was a gift from God and was there to bless me.  (This car actually was a gift from my parents and didn't cost us anything - except for the new transmissions, still a smoking deal - but that's not what I'm talking about).  Because this car does have some weaknesses, and because of when it's had it's weaknesses manifest, I have been made to lean on God for our deliverance.  It has allowed me to grow my faith in ways that I hadn't really contemplated until that moment.  After I had that thought - which may only make sense in my mind - I realized that I have nothing to worry about.  Whether that car lasts us for another few years or it's on its last breath, God has got it covered and he will provide.  Isn't that AMAZING!

As I was reading in the Book of Mormon this evening I came upon this scripture:

Jacob 4:8-9

 8 Behold, great and marvelous are the ^aworks of the Lord. How^bunsearchable are the depths of the ^cmysteries of him; and it is impossible that man should find out all his ways. And no man^dknoweth of his ^eways save it be revealed unto him; wherefore, brethren, despise not the ^frevelations of God.

  9 For behold, by the power of his ^aword ^bman came upon the face of the earth, which earth was ^ccreated by the power of his word. Wherefore, if God being able to speak and the world was, and to speak and man was created, O then, why not able to command the^dearth, or the workmanship of his hands upon the face of it (including a 14 year old minivan), according to his will and pleasure?

I mean, really, what's a minivan in comparison to a mountain?  Nothing?  Which is exactly what I have to worry about!

Moving to Wisconsin

Driving past Toomer's Corner . . . for the last time.

So, we just moved from Auburn, AL to Hartford, WI and what a crazy ride it's been!  The actual packing and moving went quite well because the company Ben is working for now paid for a company to move us and paid our expenses for us driving up (hotels, gas, food, etc.).  It was the easiest move we've ever made - for that reason.  However, that has been about the only smooth sailing we've had so far.  First off, before we moved we were crazy busy.  Ben was finishing up with grading and finals and he was behind because his father had past away a month earlier and he had missed a few weeks.  We were in a hotel in Auburn for 2 days while they were packing us up and we were cleaning the house for inspection.  It was busy, but all went well.  We had a lot of friends who helped us out with watching kids and feeding us in the process, which was very much appreciated.

We finally set off on the 6th of December for Nashville (our overnight stop).  Just as we were leaving it started to rain - I told the kids that Auburn was crying because we were leaving (I was crying too!).  About 2 hours into our trip, Ben's oil light went on so we pulled off the side of the road and found a mechanic.  Luckily the mechanic wasn't even a mile from the off-ramp.  We changed our hotel reservations around so that we could stay there for the night and have the car fixed in the morning.  While we were at the hotel Ben was doing research on what he thought the problem was.  He was pretty sure it was the oil pump and in the morning he called the mechanic and let him know what he thought is was.  When the mechanic checked his car out he found that the oil pan had a lot of stuff in it.  He thought that was the reason and cleaned and fixed that up.  When we picked up the car, we felt that he had done the right thing.

Waiting for the tow truck in Huntsville, AL.  The last we saw of Ben's car. :-(

About 2pm we were on our way to Louisville, KY this time so that we wouldn't have to drive so far the next day. After about 2 hours Ben pulled off at an exit and just stopped his car on the side of the road.  We weren't even off the off-ramp.  He told me that his oil light had gone on about 1/2 mile earlier and that he was planning on stopping at the next exit because it was so close.  However, his engine just cut out and he had to coast it to the off-ramp.  He was able to get it started and we drove to a gas station a few hundred yards away.

Luckily we had a friend in Auburn who used to live in Huntsville and her family still lived there (Sam's piano teacher, Megan Pettus).  We called her to find out who was a good auto mechanic and were able to get it towed there.  We had to leave the car behind and resolved to have Ben fly back and pick it up a few weeks later.  We drove on to Louisville and made it about midnight.  We had to get there that night because the truck had called the night before to say that they had to deliver it on Sunday so we had to be there by Saturday night.

Louisville was beautiful and felt even more so because we stayed in a 2 bedroom suite.  It was so great!  If we have to travel and stay in a hotel, I think we'll try to do that again.  The next morning we got a call from the mechanic to tell us that Ben's engine was gone and that he would need to replace the engine.  Ben says that it was the oil pump and that it hadn't been pumping oil to the engine so it died.

The next morning we were off and drove to Hartford that night.  We didn't get to the hotel until about 8 and just as we were driving into Wisconsin it started snowing.  It was the first snow storm of the season - nice welcome gift.  Ben had promised them that he would take them swimming when we got to Wisconsin because the hotel had an indoor swimming pool.  The kids had so much fun and loved the hot tub the best.

Sunday morning, Ben met the truck at the house and the kids and I went to church.  We only stayed for sacrament meeting and by the time we got back to the hotel and were changed and Adi had a nap, the guys were done unloading the truck.  The snow was a little untimely because it made it difficult to not get the carpet dirty, but oh well.

We found out after we got to Hartford that for Ben to fix the car it would cost $3500.  We figured that this was God's way of saying it was time to buy a new car.  We feel like it was meant to be because there were too many things that happened at just the right moment that led to his car's engine going out.  I feel that it was a blessing in disguise and that God is telling Ben that now it's okay to get a new car.  I'm happy that he gets to get a new car because he's had that car for 17 years and it hasn't had any major problems.  He really takes good car of his car and I feel that Heavenly Father recognizes that and appreciates that Ben uses his resources well.

And what were we greeted with when we arrived?  The first snow of the season . . . and it wasn't the last.  It snowed 15" a week and half later.  Our neighbors told us it's the worst snow they've seen in 20 years.  Welcome to Wisconsin, Puffers!!